I don’t know why but even after all that has and is happening I really want to save my marriage. I want to make it work, to fix it, to become better. I still love my husband so much and Ive taken him for granted and haven’t shown it enough, but I want to change that. I want to know that he’s willing to try and fix it too, to allow us to be a family, and to prove to me that he is sorry for his actions. Unfortunately I’m waiting on him to decide if he’s giving up or willing to give it another chance. The wait is killing me, my stress levels are insane as I wait on him to decide what we are doing. Granted if he decides to give it another go I do still have to make the final decision to forgive or move past his actions but as long as he can prove to me that he will be honest and not hide anything I think I can handle that for us. Am I crazy? Maybe I am, but my kids deserve to have a home with both parents to care for them if at all possible. It wouldn’t be fair for them to be passed back and forth and alternate holidays. They are so young right now I can’t imagine how it will affect them.
I wish I knew how I could convince him that I truly believe we can fix this. I hope he gives us a chance and he makes that decision soon, before it takes any more toll on the entire family with the stress of the situation.